Healthy Families - Joel Osteen

Well, God bless you. It’s always a joy to come into your homes. If you’re ever in our area, please stop by and be a part of one of our services. I promise you, we’ll make you feel right at home. Thanks so much for tuning in, and thank you again for coming out.

I’d like to start with something funny I heard about this mom. She had two young boys who were known for their mischievous behavior. Anytime trouble occurred, they were certain to be a part of it. She decided to take them, one at a time, to see her pastor. The pastor said to the first boy, "Son, where is God?" He sat there silently. The pastor asked again, "Where is God?" Still no reply. The third time the pastor asked, the young boy bolted out the door, ran home, and said to his brother, "God is missing, and they think we did it!"

Hold up your Bible and say it like you mean it: "This is my Bible. I am what it says I am. I have what it says I have. I can do what it says I can do. Today, I will be taught the Word of God. I boldly confess my mind is alert, my heart is receptive. I will never be the same. In Jesus’ name, God bless you."

I want to talk to you today about having a healthy home. The people God put in your life are not there by accident. It’s not a coincidence that you met that woman, fell in love, and got married. The Creator of the universe brought your paths together. You didn’t just decide to have those children—they didn’t just show up because you and your spouse got together. God knew your children before they were ever born. They had your name on them before you even thought about having a child.

Your parents, the people who raised you, you didn’t just happen to end up in that home. God put you there on purpose. He’s given you your spouse, your children, and those parents as a gift. They’re on loan to you for a period of time—they’re not always going to be there. God is counting on you to take care of His most prized possessions. They’re not ordinary; they are extremely valuable. Don’t take them for granted.

Your husband, your wife—they may have some faults. You may not always see eye to eye, but they are a treasure given to you by Almighty God. Those children may be a lot of work—they don’t always do what’s right—but they’re a gift from God. You have to see your spouse, your children, your family as being extremely valuable, as a special treasure that God has entrusted you with. Every day, you need to tell them, "I love you. I’m proud of you. I’m so glad that you’re in my life." They need to hear this on a regular basis—not just on their birthday, their anniversary, or Valentine’s Day. "Honey, it’s Valentine’s Day, I love you." No, once a year is not going to cut it.

If you don’t tell your wife how much you love her, somebody else will. Be generous when it comes to expressing your love. Be free with your compliments. Men, you can never tell your wife too many times how beautiful she is and how glad you are to have her in your life. Tell her again and again. That’s one of the best habits we can all develop: complimenting our spouse.

Victoria knows she’s beautiful; she’s been told that her whole life. I could think, "I don’t need to tell her again—I’ve told her a thousand times." No, I understand this principle. People never get tired of hearing how much you love them, how proud you are of them. I tell her again and again, "Victoria, you are so beautiful." Do you know, not once has she ever said, "Joel, stop saying that. I know I’m beautiful." No.

It’s funny, the other day we were in the room behind the platform, getting ready for the early Sunday morning service. I was standing in front of the mirror, adjusting my tie, and she was putting her microphone on. I said, "Wow, Victoria, you look great. You look so beautiful today." She thanked me. Later that morning, we were in the same room getting prepared for the second Sunday morning service. Just as we were about to walk out, she nudged me and said, "You didn’t tell me I look beautiful." I said, "Oh, I thought you’d remember from two hours ago."

Every time I walk off this platform, Victoria says, "Joel, that was a great message today." I know she thinks I’m great—she’s told me a thousand times. But my attitude is: keep the cards and letters coming! One time, when I finished speaking, she said, "Joel, that was magnificent today." I walked out on cloud nine. The next week, she went back to, "That was great today." I was offended!

But I wonder, how many relationships would go to a new level? How many marriages could be saved? How much arguing and petty strife would stop if we’d simply start expressing our love on a daily basis? I’ve learned yesterday’s "I love you" is not good enough for today. Every day, you need to express it, and one of the best ways is with our words—with compliments.

Do you know people don’t know what you’re thinking? Victoria could have thought all day long, "That sure was a good message," but her thoughts were not blessing me. A blessing is not a blessing until it’s spoken. You have to express it—tell them what you’re thinking. Words have creative power. Words can lift people. They can bring out confidence and self-worth. When you tell someone, "Hey, I’m proud of you. You’re a gift in my life. Honey, if I had to do it all over again, I’d marry you again in a split second," those are not just nice phrases. Those words are like glue. They strengthen the relationship; they deepen the roots. That’s what makes it easier to go through the difficult times of life.

When people know you believe in them, that you’re proud of them, when you keep the emotional accounts full, then when you hit a bump in the road, you have the strength to stick together and overcome it. But the reason some people split apart so easily, why they can’t withstand the smallest adversity, is because they don’t have any glue. They don’t have kind words; they’re not expressing their love.

When you tell your spouse something as simple as, "Honey, I love you," you are speaking a blessing over your marriage. You’re adding more glue. And ladies, one of your husband’s greatest needs is for you to be proud of him. He may seem big, strong, and invincible, like he doesn’t need anything, but underneath that tough outer shell is a little boy longing for your approval. One of the most powerful things you can tell your husband is, "I am proud of you." When that man hears that you’re proud, something comes alive on the inside. And this is something only you can give.

As his wife, his parents can be proud of him, and that’s good—they should be. His colleagues can give him awards—that’s nice. His friends can tell him how amazing he is—that’s fine. But nothing compares to the power you have as his wife to tell him, "I’m proud of you." When you do that, it does more than all of the others combined.

Studies show us that having a wife who’s proud of him is at the top of the list of what every man longs for. Women, don’t withhold your blessing. Just as you like to hear, "You’re beautiful" or "I love you," your husband needs to hear, "I’m proud of you."

"Well, Joel, I’d do this if he was more of this and less of that." No, don’t focus on all his faults. Focus on his good qualities. The more you praise him, the better he will do. Your husband is like a cork floating in water. The more honor you pour in, the more you tell him that you’re proud of him, it’s just like you’re pouring water into that bucket—that cork, your husband, will keep rising higher and higher. Now, he may be down right now, but instead of nagging or complaining, try a different approach: pour some honor in.

Find something he’s doing right and say, "Hey, I’m proud of you for being at that job for 20 years. I’m proud of you for coaching our children through school. I’m proud of you for coming to church with our family each Sunday." He may be doing a hundred things you don’t like—find three things you do like and start pouring some honor in.

Ladies, think about this: maybe your husband is not reaching his highest potential because the honor level is low. You, as his wife, control the honor faucet. You have the most power to do something about it. Don’t complain—pour in honor. "Honey, I’m proud of you. You may not have broken the addiction altogether, but I’m proud of you for at least trying. You didn’t get the promotion, but that doesn’t change one thing in my mind—I’m still as proud as I can be of you."

Here’s the key, ladies: your husbands cannot live off of old honor. You were proud of him when he graduated from college—that’s good, but that was five years ago. You were proud when he stepped up to take care of your parents—that’s great, but that was in the past. What has he done lately that you can tell him you’re proud of? If you’ll pour in some new honor, not only will he rise higher, but the whole family will rise higher.

When you get up tomorrow morning, give your husband a big hug and say, "I’m proud of you, you good-looking thing." When you pick him up off the ground, he’ll go out with a spring in his step. You’ll be amazed at how these simple words will lift his spirit. They’ll cause him to accomplish more, he’ll have a better attitude, and he’ll not only treat other people better, but he’ll treat you better. He’ll go out of his way to do kind things for you and the children—all because you met one of his greatest needs: that longing for you to be proud of him.

In the same way, men, your wife needs your approval. She needs your blessing. This is vital to her becoming who God created her to be. God is going to hold the men responsible, as the spiritual authority in the home, for blessing their wives. That means building her up, making sure she feels loved, valued, and respected.

I know men who never give their wife the blessing. These women only hear about what they’re doing wrong: how the dinner was late, the kids are too loud, or how they’re not that attractive anymore. Men, you’re not going to be blessed if you’re pushing your wife down. She’s connected to you. If you say disrespectful, demeaning things, you’re not only pushing her down—you’re pushing yourself down. Many women suffer from low self-esteem or depression because they never receive the blessing from their husband.

Men, don’t let that be your wife. Solomon is considered one of the wisest men who ever lived. You know what he did every morning? When he first got up, he blessed his wife. He looked her in the eyes and said, "There are many beautiful women in the world, but you excel them all." He started his day complimenting his wife.

What would happen, men, if every day before we went to work, before we started the project, we told our wife, "You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. There’s nobody like you in all the world." You might say, "Joel, if I did that, I’d be lying." No, your wife should be the most beautiful woman in the world to you. Don’t compare her with your neighbor’s wife. Don’t compare her with the girl on the cover of the magazine or the actress on television—they’ve had a lot of help: perfect lighting, professional makeup, surgery, and then more surgery.

Your wife is the gift God gave you. Physical beauty can be fleeting, but true lasting beauty is found on the inside. That woman God has given you is a gift. She’s a treasure. She’s one of a kind. Nobody has her fingerprints. When you realize this, you can get up like Solomon and say, "Hey baby, you’re looking fine today." That’s even in the scripture—it’s my version, though.

I’ll admit, I am not the most romantic person. I don’t sit around writing poetry to Victoria all day long or planning candlelight dinners. I tell people, "I’m not Romeo, I’m Jolio." But I have learned this principle of blessing my wife. I realize I will not rise any higher. I can have the talent, the education, the opportunity, but our family will get stuck if I withhold my blessing.

Men, don’t ever put your wife down. Get out of the habit of making sarcastic remarks. Don’t always have to have the last word—let it go. Keep peace in the home. If you can’t say anything good, don’t say it. Words can cut like a knife. You can say something hurtful that only takes 10 seconds, but 10 years later, the person still feels the wounds. Be careful what you say, especially to those closest to you.

Are you taking care of your gift? I used to play basketball with a young man, and every time after the game, he’d say, "Well, I gotta go home and see my old lady," talking about his wife. He didn’t realize that putting his wife down didn’t make him look good. If she’s the old lady, that means he’s the old man! I used to tell them, "I’m going home to see my wife, Queen Victoria." If she’s the queen, that makes me the king—and I like that.

Solomon wrote a book in the Bible called The Song of Solomon. In the eight chapters of his book, he praised his wife over 40 times. He was constantly talking about her strength, her beauty, and her intelligence—all through the day, "There’s no woman like her."

You might say, "Joel, you don’t know my problem. My wife—she’s hard to get along with. She’s got a bad attitude." No, you start praising her. You start telling her how beautiful she is. When you talk about the good, you’ll draw out the good. If you talk about the negative, you’ll draw out the negative. You need to remember the reasons you fell in love.

When you were dating that person, you only focused on their good qualities: "She’s beautiful. She’s fun. She’s got a great sense of style," or, "He’s so smart. He’s so talented. I love his sense of humor." That person had the same negative qualities back then as they do now. You just didn’t focus on them.

Ladies, think about this: when you were dating that man, you knew he watched the ball game every Sunday afternoon, dressed up like the team mascot, had 12 of his friends over, and didn’t acknowledge you existed for 3½ hours. You knew when you were dating him, he wore the same pair of shorts for seven years. You knew his breath was a weapon of mass destruction. You knew his 40-inch waistline was bigger than his IQ. But you were so in love, you overlooked those qualities—they didn’t bother you a bit.

Men, when you were dating her, you knew that cooking wasn’t her specialty. She made you dinner once, and you were out sick for three days. You knew she had an assigned parking spot at the mall. You knew she would buy the shoes and not pay the rent. You knew she had a direct phone line to her mother. But you were so in love, it didn’t bother you.

Too often, we fall out of love and start noticing the little annoyances—they become magnified. What’s the solution? We’ve got to fall back in love. Start remembering the reasons why you couldn’t live without that person. Magnify their good qualities. Overlook the things that are bothering you. Bring some freshness into the relationship. Laugh more often. Take more walks. Do something out of the routine.

That person God has given you is a gift. They have approximately 80% of what you need. No person has 100%. If you’re not careful, you’ll focus on the 20% that they don’t have, what you don’t like, and you’ll end up frustrated. Some people even leave the 80 to go find the 20 in somebody else. But they’ll soon realize that person is missing 20% as well. It’s better to stick with who you’ve got. See their good qualities—the 80% of what they do have.

In the scripture, it says that because Solomon praised his wife, their children rose up and blessed her as well. In other words, when the husband takes the lead and blesses the wife, the children will as well. Husbands, fathers, we’re setting the example in the home. How we treat our wife is going to have a great impact on how our children respect and honor their mother.

Men, go out of your way to show respect to your wife. Treat her like you want somebody to treat your daughter. Ladies, treat your husbands like you want somebody to treat your son. I’ve heard it said, "If you see a man opening the car door for his wife, that means he either has a new car or a new wife." But men, we need to get back to the days of respect and honor.

It takes a man to open the door for his wife. It takes a man to say, "I love you. You’re beautiful. I’m proud of you." You’re not a man just because you’re male. Treating your wife with respect makes you a man. Taking care of your family makes you a man. Watching after your children—that’s what really makes you a man.

It’s interesting—in reproduction, the father is the one that gives the child identity. The female has two X chromosomes; the male has an X and a Y chromosome. If the male gives the female another X, the baby will be a girl. If he gives her a Y, it will be a boy. But the female has no power to determine the sex of the child—the identity always comes from the father.

I believe not only physically, but God has given us power as fathers to help our children know who they are.  We have incredible influence in our children’s lives. Fathers, we have a responsibility to affirm our children every day: "I’m proud of you. You’re going to do something great. You’ve got an amazing future." Our children need our approval—we’re helping them to form their identity. But if we’re too busy, if we’re never there, that child is not going to be as confident and secure as he should be.

Fathers, be involved in your children’s lives. Bring them to church. Be at their ball games. Meet their teachers. Know who their friends are. Listen to what they’re listening to. Pay attention to what they’re watching. They may not like it, but a child that has boundaries—deep down, that child knows that he’s loved. That’s what gives him value.

Fathers, when that young man comes over to take your daughter on a date, be the first one at the door. Put the shotgun down—but be there to let him know there’s a man in the house watching after this girl.

A friend of mine told me that when he was a teenager, he had a drug problem. He is so clean-cut, I couldn’t believe he was on drugs. He said, "Yeah, I was drugged to church every weekend. I was drugged to Sunday school. I was drugged to youth class." He said, "You know, Joel, those drugs are still in my veins. They still affect everything I do." He was saying, "My parents poured into me. They watched over me."

I heard the story about a lady who had lived a very promiscuous life—one man after another, unable to stay in a stable relationship. A friend of mine, who’s a minister, asked her, "What went wrong? Where did you lose your way?" She told how, when she was 17 years old, she walked into her family room wearing her brand-new prom dress, feeling so special. Her father was sitting in a chair reading the newspaper. She said, "Dad, what do you think?" She began to spin around and around, dancing, feeling so special, so beautiful, so proud. But her father never looked up from reading the newspaper. Her dance slowed down a little more, and a little more, until she realized her dad wasn’t interested. She walked out of the room.

Because she didn’t feel valued and approved by her father, she went through man after man, trying to get that approval that only her father could give. Fathers, we have something extremely powerful—your children need your blessing. Make them a priority. It’s not an option; it’s a responsibility. You have something to give as a father that nobody else can give.

A friend of mine was watching a football game on television. His little boy came in and said, "Dad, I’ve got to ask you something." My friend never took his eyes off the television. He said, "Yeah, son, what do you need?" The little boy said, "No, Dad, listen to me with your eyes." What a great principle: give your children your undivided attention. Make sure they know that they’re a priority in your life.

When our daughter, Alexandra, was a little girl—maybe 3 years old—she used to come into my office at home when I was preparing my messages for the weekend. This was right after my father went to be with the Lord, and I didn’t know if I could do this. I felt very pressured. Even though we tried to keep her in other parts of the house, at least once or twice a day she would come in and say, "Daddy, can we wrestle?" She didn’t really want to wrestle—she wanted to play. Most of the time, I’d take a 5-minute break and we’d go play.

But this particular day, it was a Friday evening and I was running behind. Here comes little Alexandra, a little toddler with long blond hair and blue eyes, cute as can be. "Daddy, can we go play?" I said, "Honey, I would love to, but I can’t right now. Maybe a little later." She said, "Okay." She came back 5 minutes later. "Daddy, are you ready now?" I said, "No, honey. I’ll come get you. You don’t have to come get me, okay?" Five minutes later: "Daddy, can we go now?" I was getting so frustrated. I said, "Listen, baby. I’m going to come get you. Don’t come back anymore. Daddy is trying to concentrate." She looked at me, kind of confused, and said, "Okay," and walked out.

Five minutes later, she came back, barely opened the door, and said very seriously, "Daddy, are you still trying to constipate?" I said, "No, actually, I’m pretty regular!"

Men, take time for your children. Don’t become the greatest pastor, the greatest athlete, the greatest coach, or the greatest businessperson at the expense of your children. Your first mission field is your own family. The prophet Joel said to wake up the mighty men. I know today I am speaking to mighty men. I’m speaking to men of valor, men of honor—men that rise up like Solomon and bless their wife, men that make their children a priority, men that speak the blessing over their family.

Not only that, I’m speaking to women of faith, women of honor that rise up and tell their husband, "I’m proud of you," women that keep pouring the honor in. Listen, ladies, I can say like Solomon: there are many beautiful women in the world, but you excel them all. You radiate strength, beauty, intelligence, dignity. You are one of a kind.

Now, my challenge to us is: make sure you’re taking care of the gifts God has given you. They’re not always going to be here. Be generous with your words: "I love you. I’m proud of you. I’m glad that you’re in my life." Express love on a daily basis. Men, get up every morning and tell your wife how beautiful she is. Make sure she feels special. Women, remember—you control the honor faucet. You keep pouring honor into your husband, and he’s going to keep rising higher.

If you’ll do these simple things, I believe and declare you will have a strong, healthy, faith-filled family. Every force that’s trying to stop you, your marriage, or your children is being broken right now. God is releasing strength, healing, deliverance, favor, and new beginnings. You and your family will rise up and become everything God’s created you to be. I speak the blessing in the name of Jesus.

If you receive it, can you say amen today?

We never like to close our broadcast without giving you an opportunity to make Jesus the Lord of your life. Would you pray with me? Just say:

"Lord Jesus, I repent of my sins. Come into my heart. I make you my Lord and Savior."

Friends, if you prayed that simple prayer, we believe you got born again. Get in a good Bible-based church. Keep God in first place. He’s going to take you places that you’ve never dreamed of.