People Pleasers - Part 1 - Joyce Meyer (sermon online). Do you try to please people more than you know you should? Today, Joyce shares insights from God's Word and her life to help you overcome this hindrance to your spiritual growth.
full text "People Pleasers" Part 1 - Enjoying Everyday Life 22 Jan. 2018 - Joyce Meyer
Joyce Meyer: don't make a second-rate commitment to God so you can stay in favor with a bunch of people that you don't even like. Come on, and who don't really care about you anyway. Today, i'm going to teach about the dangers of being a people pleaser. So, this is a unique area because we do want to please people, and there's even a scripture that tells us that we should live to please people, but we have to be careful that pleasing people doesn't mean then that we end up not pleasing God. So, there's nothing better than helping people, serving people, doing things for other people. It needs to be an active part of all of our lives. Nobody here should have the attitude, "well, i'm just going to do what I please, and I don't care how it affects anybody else." But we have to realize that there are people in the world that will take advantage of us. There are people that are manipulators and controllers and users and abusers, and we have to watch out for those kind of people. But we also have to make sure that we don't have the disease to please, to where we are so afraid of being rejected that we'll always do what somebody else wants us to do, no matter what we want or no matter we feel that we should do. Some of you have a real problem with this, some of you maybe not so much. But I can't see that everybody in the room could not benefit from this message today. So, father, we thank you for helping us and for setting us free. Do you often find yourself saying yes when somebody asked you to do them a favor and then later regretting it? Perhaps you said yes while your heart was screaming no. And then you end up feeling like a victim and you're resentful. Are you selfless to a fault? Do you feel guilty when you say no? You know, people pleasers may be people who were often denied affection and love in their childhood, or they only received affection when they're being of service or they were doing exactly what everyone wanted them to do. In my own childhood, for some reason, I think just because my father was so miserable himself, and you know, unhappy people want to make other people unhappy. There's nothing that annoys an unhappy person more than being around a happy person. I mean, it's true, they just don't--they don't like it. And so, my dad never was much into fun or laughter. And I can actually remember as a little girl getting in trouble for laughing. And so, I learned that I was always accepted when I was working, when I was accomplishing, when I was doing something for somebody else, but that what I wanted to do didn't seem to be of much value. So, I became what the world calls a workaholic, thinking that I got all my worth and value out of my work. Now, my natural personality is motivated by accomplishment, so I kind of have had a double problem because I am motivated in that direction, and I am a leader, and I have a lot to do, and i'm serious-minded. And all that's very good, but because of this past that I have of rejection, i've also had to be careful that I don't do things that I feel like that maybe God doesn't want me to do just because I don't want to make somebody mad, or I don't want to disappoint them, or I don't want them not to like me.
Does anybody understand what i'm talking about here today? Okay. Especially the thing about anger because my father was a very angry man. And you know, it continues to amaze me how much we learn in the first few formative years of our life that we don't even really know that we learned, and it just becomes part of us. And honestly, sometimes it can take you 75 years to get over what you learned in 3 years as a child. We spend a lot of time unlearning things that we learned, as well as trying to learn things that we need to learn. So, because my father was angry and would get violent when he was angry, everybody in the house kind of played this game, we just all did everything we could to make sure that dad didn't get angry. And so, I still one of my weaknesses today, not the only one, but it is one and one that I know that I have to watch for. And you're well to know your weaknesses. Everybody needs to be bold enough to face your weaknesses because that's the area where satan will hit you. So, you have to be aware of what those weaknesses are. So, I don't like it when people, especially in the family, are mad at me. Now, there's some people I couldn't care less, but in my family, people that I have to be around all the time, I don't want any upset. I don't even want my kids to be mad at each other. I don't want dave and one of our kids to be mad at each other. I grew up with so much turmoil as a child that I just really am a huge fan of peace. Well, we all should want peace, but we never should start compromising what we believe that God wants us to do in order to keep it. If God says to confront, then we've got to confront. If he says say no, then we need to say no. So, I want to say again there's nothing wrong with pleasing people, but if it means that you don't please God in order to please people, then you're going to miss your destiny if you do that. Listen to what the apostle paul said, I love this, galatians 1:10. "now, am I trying to win the favor of men or of God? Do I seek to please men? If I were still seeking popularity with men, I would not now be a bondservant of the Lord Jesus christ." So, you know what he's really saying there? If my goal was to keep everybody around me happy, I would've missed my destiny. Amen?
Joyce Meyer: I mean, that's a strong thing to think about. I wonder how many people have even turned their back on serving christ because if they did, it was going to mean the loss of friendships, or they couldn't be part of the group anymore. Matter of fact, here's a scripture that backs that up. John chapter 12, verses 42 and 43, "and yet [in spite of all this], many of the leading men, the authorities and the nobles, believed and trusted in Jesus. But because of the pharisees, they would not confess it for fear that [if they acknowledged him], they would be expelled from the synagogue." 43, "for they loved the approval and the praise and the glory that comes from men instead of and more than the glory that comes from God. They valued their credit with men more than their credit with God." So, here are people who believed in Jesus, but they wouldn't talk about it openly. They wouldn't openly go forward with a full on relationship with God because they were afraid that they would be asked to leave the church. Well, when God touched my life in 1976 and called me to teach, I was filled with the Holy Spirit and I got so excited about God. You know, when people that are excited about God, really excited about God, are with people who are not really excited about God, they're going to call you a religious fanatic, a nut, you're overboard, you've gone too far, a religious freak. Well, nobody likes that. And to be honest, when you get excited about God and your friends are not excited about God, even your friends at church, not everybody who goes to church is excited about God, amen? A lot of people just go because that's what they do, or that it's a duty, but they don't--they don't even really want to be there. They come in late, they can't wait for it to be over, they sleep through most of it or play around with their phone. And that's not--i mean, that means nothing to God, nothing at all. But I can tell you if you get excited and the people around you aren't, then they're going to want to get rid of you, or try to change you and get you to compromise and be like them. If you want to really serve God full on, now listen to what i'm going to say, don't mean it to be negative, but if you're going to really have a full on relationship with God, you might as well get ready for some rejection 'cause you're going to get it. And it doesn't bother us much unless it's people we really love. When I got really excited about God, I was asked to leave my church. They gave me two options, you need to stop talking about this stuff, or you're going to need to leave. Well, me being quiet then was not an option. And i'm not sure i'd be much better at it now, but this was a big thing for us because dave grew up in that particular denomination, everybody in his family was part of that denomination. That's just who we were. Our kids went to school there, our whole social life revolved around there. So, for me to be where i'm at today, I had to be willing to lose something. Come on.
Joyce Meyer: so, you know, the bible says if you want to gain the higher life, you got to lose the lower life. And if you hang on to the lower life, you'll lose the higher life. And I can tell you right now if your friends or your family are sending you a silent message that you are out of their affection if you're going to continue to do this Jesus thing, then let me tell you, they do not love you and they are not your friends. And you might as well know now rather than later. I wonder how many people want more of God in their life. Want more of God. But you know, some people, you've been stuck in a certain place for so long, and that's where your whole life is, and you know that it would just really stir up some stuff if you decided to leave and go somewhere else where you could be fed differently, or maybe you'd even just like to go to a bible study or something, but your friends wouldn't--"well, what are you doing that for? Well, why are you doing that?" Make decisions for yourself because if you don't, nobody else is going to, amen? And please let's remember that we all are going to come to the end of what we call life. There's two things you cannot avoid, and that's taxes and death. They get all of us. We are going to die sometime. And when we do, everything that we cared about here that we thought was so value is going to be no more. And there's only going to be one person to face, and that should be who we have made the most important in our life, and that's God almighty, amen?
Joyce Meyer: and i'm pretty convinced that we don't think enough about judgment day. Ooh. I teach on judgment day once in a while, boy, you talk about a quiet crowd. I mean, the bible does say in romans 14 that every man will stand before God and give an account of his life, amen? And we don't have to be afraid of that. There's nothing to fear. But we are going to give an account of what we've done with ourselves. Don't make a second-rate commitment to God so you can stay in favor with a bunch of people that you don't even like, come on, and who don't really care about you anyway. You know, oddly enough, when we let people control us, when we try to do everything they want us to do, we think that it's going to gain us favor with them, but to be honest, it usually causes them to disrespect you. You know, strong-willed people who try to control other people, they really are annoyed by weak-willed people who won't stand up to them. I mean, that's actually the truth. And so, they're going to get aggravated when you first do it, especially if you've let somebody control you for a long time and you start trying to stand up to them. You might as well get ready for a fight. But let me tell you something, you are responsible to do what God wants you to do, not what every other human being in the world wants you to do. Trying to meet everybody's expectations is like trying to drain the ocean with a teaspoon. It's--you're not--i mean, my gosh. I mean, i'm a minister, people would love me to visit their sick relatives, they'd love me to do all their weddings, they'd love me to do all their funerals. Everybody who--not everybody, but a lot of people who have events, they've heard from God that I should come and be their speaker. And you know, I finally learned that, you know, God told you, but he didn't told me. And i'm the one that has to be told, right? You know, I hate it when christians pull that card. "well, the Lord put it on my heart that you should do this. I have a word from God." Well, you know, right away that kind of makes you think, "well, I mean, if you're hearing from God." Stand up to that. If somebody else tells you that they heard from God about something you should do, unless it's a confirmation of something that God already put in your heart, God is not going to give somebody else the responsibility of running your life. We're going to talk about king saul for a little bit this morning. 1 samuel chapter 15, the first three verses. "samuel, who was a prophet, told saul, who was the king, 'the Lord sent me to anoint you king over his people israel. Now listen and heed the word of the Lord. Thus says the Lord of hosts, 'i have considered and will punish what amalek did to israel, how he set himself against him in the way when israel came out of egypt. Now go and smite amalek,'" I want you to watch this wording, "and utterly," everybody say utterly, "destroy all they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and donkey."
Now, admittedly that sounds pretty severe. "and he took agag, king of the amalekites alive, but he utterly destroyed all the rest of the people with the sword." So, he almost did what God told him to. Now, this is a very important part of this message because, to be honest, many times we give a sacrifice instead of obedience. It's like and we get deceived because we think if we do some part of what God told us to do, that somehow or another that excuses us from not doing it all, but it doesn't. Many years ago, when I was needing to study and learn and grow from the word of God so I could teach, at that time I was only teaching a bible study in my home every tuesday night, about 20, 25 people. And I had a family, kids, I couldn't take off and go to bible college somewhere. And I needed to study, I needed to dig into the word and study. And I was working a full-time job, and God started putting it on my heart and I had a desire to quit working and raise my family, do what I needed to do at home, but spend any time that I could get then to study. And, but I did the math and we didn't have enough money to pay the bills. We were about $45 short every month of having enough money to pay the bills if I didn't keep working. So, God was wanting me to trust him. He wanted me to trust him to provide, but I was accustomed to taking care of myself, and so that was frightening to me. Now, it was important for me to do it because what we need today, I don't care how hard I worked, I couldn't provide it. And so, you have to start learning how to trust God with something small if you ever want to get to the point where you can trust God for things that are just way beyond anything you could ever even think of.
Joyce Meyer- so, finally after God dealt with me a lot, and dave and I talked, and dave was always all for doing whatever you feel like God's telling you to do, and I almost obeyed God. I quit my full-time job and I got a part-time job. And I look back now and it amuses even me to think that I could serve God with part-time obedience. And i'm just wondering how many people here today or how many watching by tv, you're giving God some part-time obedience and wondering why things aren't working out good in your life. Well, guess what? God did me a big favor. I got fired. And i'd never been fired from a job in my life. I was not the kind of worker that got fired. I mean, I was a good, hard worker. And I was well qualified to do what I was doing, but lo and behold, the office manager was a woman who practiced witchcraft. Yeah, ooh. And I didn't know what in the world was going on there, it was just this weird atmosphere and just goofy, strange things happened. And then one day, I saw her photo copying a book on witchcraft. Well, I tried to help her and tell her that that was wrong and, you know, of course that just made her dislike me all the more. Long story short, I got fired. I just--i got fired. And so, I got the message. Quit your job. Some of you need to get the message today. Any time that you give God part-time obedience, you're giving up something wonderful that God wants to do in you and through you, and you're hanging on to something that isn't even really making you happy. Come on. Some of you are--you're disobeying God to keep a group of friends that you don't even really like, that I can tell you right now if you really were in bind and you needed them, they would run as far away from you as they could get. All these friends that I thought I had to keep, not only was I asked to leave my church, but they all turned their back on me too.
Everybody thought I had gone stark raving mad when I started as a woman back in those days trying to teach the bible, especially since I had no proper education to do it. "well, who do you think you are? You haven't been to seminary." Well, I didn't know you had to have all that. I was just--i just thought God told you to do something, you ought to go do it. So, I felt like he told me to start teaching. I mean, the way my ministry started is so simple that it's actually downright dumb. After God touched my life and I got so excited, there was a girl that I carpooled with, and I was telling her about Jesus. And so, she got to the point where she wanted to accept Jesus, so I took her in the bathroom one day at work, and I prayed the prayer of salvation with her and led her to the Lord. So, okay, i'm the office manager there, and I didn't realize because I was the office manager that they all might feel like they had to do what I wanted them to do. I'm totally innocent. So, I invite these 12 women in the office to a bible study, and I thought it was really cool 'cause they all said yes.
Joyce Meyer: so, I started a bible study at a restaurant in downtown st. Louis at 6 a.m. On wednesday morning. And the very first one, I went to my pastor, who had not yet thrown me out of the church, and I said, "if somebody was going to teach the bible, what would be a good place to start?" And he said the book of john. And I asked him, like, "what kind of a reference book would you suggest?" And he suggested a thompson chain reference bible. So, I got me a thompson chain reference bible, opened up to john chapter 1, invited 12 people, and off we went. And here I am today.
Joyce Meyer: I mean, i'll tell you the truth, just get busy doing what you think God wants you to do. "well, what if i'm wrong?" Well, what if you're not? And even if you are wrong, is that going to be the end of the world? You've been wrong about a lot of stuff already anyway. So, the very first bible study, every woman got a $10 parking ticket 'cause they were parked in a--parked in a no parking zone. So, we had a great beginning. Long story short, the union made me move the thing away from the office. I took it to my house, it grew. You know, the devil loves to make you think it's all over and God loves to say, "well, watch me make it grow." Come on, all right. Didn't really mean to get into all that, but the point is is that you have to have full obedience to God if you want to fulfill your destiny.
Joyce Meyer: well, don't let the fear of man keep you from your God-given destiny. Focus on pleasing God and obeying him fully no matter what the cost. Today, we're offering you a small but a powerful book called "the approval fix: how to break free from people pleasing." And six teachings called, "i am determined." You know, I think if you're determined and you refuse to give up, you are definitely going to break through to victory in your life. So, be firm, be steadfast, and keep on keeping on until victory is yours. God bless you and have a wonderful day. Announcer: discover how to break free from people pleasing in Joyce Meyer's book, "the approval fix."
Joyce Meyer: well, insecurity is the root cause of the disease to please. If you're secure, you can make decisions that you believe God approves of whether the people like it or not. Announcer: in addition, Joyce Meyer's six-cd series "i am determined" will arm you with the keys to becoming a determined man or woman of God. Refuse to give up and remember that God has a wonderful plan for your life. These resources are available today for your gift of... To order, call us toll-free at... Or visit us at joycemeyer.org.
Joyce Meyer: well, there's really no special formula to spending time with God. It's just very important that you do it. Making this a priority will change your life like nothing else. I know it has mine, and now I want to help you enrich your time with God by sharing some thoughts and insights from my own life in my brand new devotional called "my time with God." Let's focus on him together. And my prayer is that these scriptures and declarations of faith will help you grow deeper in your relationship with christ a little bit more every single day. Announcer: order your copy of Joyce Meyer's new devotional, "my time with God." Call... Or go to joycemeyer.org. Announcer: we hope you enjoyed today's program. For more information, visit joycemeyer.org. This program has been made possible by the friends and partners of Joyce Meyer ministries.