Read Textual Sermon from Robert Jeffress
Living with Loneliness
Billy Graham claims that more people suffer from loneliness than from any other problem. Author Paul Tournier says loneliness is the most devastating problem of our time. Admiral Richard Byrd, who was the first man to fly over the North Pole, wrote in his diary at one point,
“This morning I had to admit to myself that I was lonely. Try as I may, I can’t take my loneliness casually. It is too big. I must not dwell on it, otherwise I am undone.”
Tonight, we’re beginning a brand-new series I’ve entitled “Our Problems and God’s Answers.” Over these next weeks of the summer, we’re going to look at some of the most common problems that we face in our human existence. And most importantly, we’re going to discover what God’s Word says is the cure to those problems.
Tonight, we’re going to talk about living with loneliness.
Types of Loneliness
Psychologists tell us that there are really two types of loneliness, and I bet you’ve experienced both.
First of all, there is a loneliness that is the result of isolation. It comes when we find ourselves separated from people we love—either because of distance, defection, or even death.
Sometimes the loneliness we feel is a loneliness of spirit—that sensation that we’re all alone, even when we’re in a crowded room, a church, or even in a marriage. Frederick Robertson wrote of this type of loneliness when he said,
“There are times when hands touch ours but only send an icy chill.”
Because of distance or because of our own spirit, we think of loneliness as a condition over which we have no control.
But there is some loneliness we experience that is actually the result of our own choice. For many of us, loneliness is an attitude that says, “I can make it on my own. I really don’t need other people.”
Why Some People Choose Loneliness
Why is it that some people would actually choose loneliness over companionship?
I think of an elderly man I knew in one of the churches I served. He discovered that he had cancer and was told that he needed to have a very serious operation. But he chose to tell none of his family members or friends. Instead, he packed up all of his belongings, went to another state for the operation, and told no one—just said, “I’m taking a trip.” Even though the surgery could have resulted in an invalid condition or even death, he chose isolation.
Why would somebody do that? Why would people choose to be lonely?
On your outline tonight, I’ve mentioned six reasons that some people choose loneliness over companionship.
1. Poor Self-Image
Some people choose to be lonely because of a poor self-image. I’m reminded of something comedian Woody Allen said one time:
“I would never want to be part of a club that would choose me as a member.”
Some people feel like that. They feel unworthy to be included. They think, “Why would anybody be interested in me? I don’t have enough money, education, or social standing.”
The person who can’t accept himself has difficulty reaching out because he’s fearful of rejection. What if I reach out to this person or group and they reject me?
All of us can look back to times when we’ve been rejected—on the playground, in school, or even as adults. We tend to think, “Why would I want to put myself through that again?”
What is the cure for a poor self-image?
It’s to see ourselves from God’s perspective.
Ephesians 2:10 (KJV) – “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works.”
You are God’s poem, His artistic creation. Remember that your physical and emotional makeup were all designed by God.
Also remember that you are the recipient of God’s interest and friendship.
John 15:13 (KJV) – “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
Jesus Christ laid down His life for you because He values you and wants your friendship.
2. Pride
A second reason that some people choose loneliness is pride. They think they don’t need others—they consider themselves self-sufficient.
Paul had a word for the Corinthians about this attitude:
1 Corinthians 12:20–21 (KJV) – “But now are they many members, yet but one body. And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee.”
God created us in such a way that we need one another. No Christian is an island unto himself.
3. Inability to Accept Other People’s Faults
Some people can’t stand the imperfections of others. When I was growing up, our family often went to the movies. Everyone would sit together except my younger brother—he couldn’t stand the sound of us munching popcorn or slurping drinks. So, he’d go sit by himself. He escaped the annoying sounds, but the price he paid was isolation.
Psalm 103:14 reminds us:
“For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.”
God understands our limitations. We should remember that about others too. Everyone has faults; don’t let them rob you of companionship.
4. Selfishness
Some say, “I’m just too busy for relationships.” The truth is, good relationships cost time, energy, and effort. Some are unwilling to make that investment.
Paul admonishes us in:
Philippians 2:3–4 (KJV) – “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”
5. Unwillingness to Forgive
Friendships can be painful. Maybe someone betrayed you or hurt you, and you thought, “I’ll never be hurt again.” But isolation is a lonely existence.
Jesus said:
Matthew 5:23–24 (KJV) – “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.”
If we want close relationships, we must be willing to forgive.
Proverbs 19:11 (KJV) – “The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.”
6. Failure to Understand the Value of Friendship
Friendships are not a luxury; they are necessary for our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
Solomon understood this deeply. Despite his wealth and power, he lacked true intimacy and called life “meaningless.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 (KJV) – “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.”
The Benefits of Friendship
Solomon mentions several benefits of companionship:
- Assistance in times of crisis.
Shared joy is double joy; shared sorrow is half sorrow. - Support when we feel alone.
During the “cold times” of life—grief, loss, or change—a friend provides warmth and comfort.
Ruth expressed this beautifully to Naomi:
Ruth 1:16 (KJV) – “Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.”
Friendship and fellowship are God’s gifts to help us face the loneliness of life.
Reflection Questions
- What are the two main types of loneliness described in this sermon?
- Why might some people choose loneliness instead of companionship?
- How does understanding our worth in God’s eyes help us overcome loneliness?
- What are the spiritual dangers of pride and isolation?
- How can forgiveness restore broken relationships?
- What lessons about friendship can we learn from Solomon and Ruth?
